Alan Schwartz

Today I am interviewing Alan Schwartz, a comedian born in the Bronx, NY who has been doing comedy for seven years. To find out more about Alan, please visit his website.

Why did you start doing stand-up comedy?

When I went to my first open mic, it was really like a way to get over my shyness. I was a really shy kid in high school. I didn't talk to many people, and most of my classmates would be shocked if they found out I was a comedian today. Yet for some reason, despite not really talking to anybody before age 18, I was secretly desperate for attention. So, at age 19, I went on stage at Hamburger Harry's open mic in Times Square on January 9, 2002, as a "face your fear" kind of thing. Because what better way to get over shyness than talking to a crowd full of potentially judgmental strangers you've never met before. And despite how nervous I was beforehand, when I went on stage, I felt at home. I felt like me on stage. I really enjoyed it and have been doing it ever since.

How do you write a joke?

I don't really write with the intention of making it a joke. What happens is I write down ideas and hope they turn into something funny. While I should write more than I do, basically my strategy is to sit down and write funny ideas I had written down scribbled in notepads, cellphones, toilet paper, etc. into my notebook. Sometimes I just write down the idea and nothing comes out of it. But sometimes as I'm writing the idea, other ideas pop into my head, I go off into tangents (usually on the same topic though) while writing, and it turns into a really funny bit. A comedian should never write "jokes", but rather just write and let everything flow. If you don't try too hard to go for the funny, the funny will come out of it.

What is the worst job you ever had and did it have any effect on your comedy?

The worst job I ever had was as a telemarketer selling classical music concerts on the phone. I was actually pretty good at it, I liked my boss and co-workers, but it was a minimum wage plus commission job, and so the paychecks would be very good one week and very bad the next. I took it because hey, I needed money somehow, but it was really demoralizing. I would call crazy people, get yelled at by old people, have people promise to purchase tickets and then make me call them multiple times only for them to change their minds, all for minimum wage. And the thing is, this wasn't entirely cold calling. A lot of these were people who went to concerts and gave out their phone number because they said they were interested in a season series. I'm a private guy and don't like to be bothered either. Part of me had sympathy, but the other part of me was like "If you don't want to be called, don't give out your fucking number." As far as it effecting my comedy, surprisingly, it hasn't that much. You would think such a job would be a gold mine for material, but this was a job where the crazy things that happened were unique to the office and wouldn't transfer into a comedy setting. If it had any effect at all on my comedy, I guess it was to inspire me to try even harder to make it, so I don't get stuck doing crappy jobs like that one.